Democracy will be the End of Our "Democracy"!

A Play in Too Many Acts (no audio)

PROLOGUE

A GREEK CHORUS:

Fraught with unimaginable wealth,
Of cruel war with the unwashed masses,
Who disrupt their DEMOCRACY?
Those not sequestered in their gilded cages?
The people are not DEMOCRACY!
Democracy is for the few. Not the many.
The FEW not the MANY.
Democracy means only one thing.
You must vote for the old man or else.

To Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos and Jack Dorsey do they come;
And the deep pockets will save them again.
They will conjure a Zombie Hitler to scare voters to their side.
Beware the immortal evil that can’t be killed
Democracy depends upon it. For the FEW not the MANY.
The few who have the luxury of existential angst!

We set ourselves upon the Day of Days,
The 6th of January to awaken the robot army,
INSURRECTION: it was.

Zombie Hitler can’t be killed!
Zombie Hitler will take your DEMOCRACY!
Zombie Hitler will destroy AMERICA!

So sayeth the Meathead Prince:

He sayeth:

He sayeth:

And he RT’s:

DEMOCRACY, says the Meathead Prince, can only be achieved if we destroy it to save it. Destroy it by demanding people vote for the old man or else;

ACT I

The Cassidy Hutchinson Two-Step

GREEK CHORUS: A damsel in distress is just what the people need.
Wide-eyed, freshly scrubbed cheeks, CASSIDY HUTCHINSON,
bathed in a glow of white, angel wings sprouting from her back,
her hair billowing in the wind.

JEN PSAKI: Tell us, young Cassidy. How will our Democracy end if people participate in democracy? Tell us your secrets, dear child. What do you know from high up on the mountain of wisdom?

CASSIDY HUTCHINSON: MY BOOK is one of the top Audible listens. You know, Audible? Owned by Jeff Bezos, who also coincidentally owns The Washington Post and Amazon?

CASSIDY: Here is one reviewer who called it a “journey and an inspiration”:

JEN: Yeah, who cares? Tell us some dirt on Trump, or I’m pulling the plug.

CASSIDY: Fine. Trump is evil, Trump is a threat to Democracy, and Trump is a really bad guy. Okay? Is that good? Will you plug my book? And can I show my face at Starbucks now?

JEN: Well, let’s take it much slower and go much deeper. You were on the inside. You know he planned the insurrection. You know he wanted to hang Mike Pence because if we know anything by now, after seven long years, we know this: Trump means every single word he says, and he means it literally. He wanted to overthrow the government with an armed insurrection. He wanted General Milley to lead that army. He wanted to steal the presidency and hold power as long as Putin, right?

CASSIDY: Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Jen. Did I mention that I am up for a gig on MSNBC?

JEN: No offense, Cassidy, but you aren’t faking it very well. I can see why you never moved up the ranks, even in Trump's world.

CASSIDY: I moved up the ranks, all right. The pawed me, they groped me, they panted in my direction, they proposed marriage - like every single day. They all wanted to marry me.

JEN: Focus, Cassidy, focus. Do you think our Democracy will end if Trump is elected?

CASSIDY: Yes. Of course. I mean, we can’t have people voting in elections, right? We have to be Team Biden, or it’s fascism and the end of America. I’m not stupid, Jen. Liz Cheney told me everything I had to say to push my book. We’re good. End of Democracy Itself. Got it. Anyway, do you think I should do Howard Stern?

GREEK CHORUS:
Cassidy Hutchinson escaped what she thought was a sinking ship.
But now, she’s attached herself to Biden's collapsing empire. She’ll always be known as the girl who played the fool on primetime.

***

ACT II - No Choice

Breakfast with Charles Joseph Scarborough and Mika Emilie Leonia Brzezinski

GREEK CHORUS:

Of the many talking heads on cable news,
Is there anyone worse than Joe Scarborough?
Mika sits by his side, and together, they tell lies to the people.
But what should happen when the cameras are off?
What do they really talk about?

JOE: I’ve never been more alarmed about an election in my life. How is it so many people want to vote for Trump? He’s a criminal! A felon! A fascist dictator!

MIKA: Well, that’s Democracy for you.

JOE: Democracy? That’s not Democracy. That’s Hitler.

MIKA: Hitler was elected in a democratic election, even Hillary said so.

JOE: Nine years ago, Hillary compared Putin to Hitler. So how is anyone going to take her seriously now that a real Hitler-like figure has risen to power in America? Trump is worse than Putin, worse than Hitler, worse than Charles Manson.

We have to trust the people, Joe. That’s what Democracy is all about.

JOE: We trusted the people in 2016, look where that got us.

MIKA: The people weren’t given a choice, not really. Pick the blue team or else. Pick the red team, or else. How does that really serve the people?

JOE: I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS, MIKA! I said I don’t want Trump to win. It will be the end of America!

MIKA: You really think so?

JOE: What have I been saying repeatedly for seven years? YES!

MIKA: But we had Trump for four years. The media attacked him every second of every day. The Democrats attacked him. Hollywood attacked him. Even many Republicans attacked him. Is that what you mean, the end of America, because they didn’t accept the election results?

JOE: NO! Mika, no. That was the country’s natural response to an evil madman fascist dictator rising to power after Putin rigged the whole game in his favor.

MIKA: But, just for the sake of argument, what if the people of this country, a majority of them, wanted Trump back in power because America felt better back then, more of a balance of powers? Sure, they hated Trump, but the world wasn’t imploding on his watch.

JOE: What’s got into you, Mika? Your job is to look worried and nod somberly at my nuggets of wisdom day in and day out. It’s not to debate, not to contradict.

MIKA: Well, it’s difficult in this case because “democracy” is such weak sauce to sell to people who can’t put food on the table. If that’s the pitch, they’ll go with Trump. Surely you can see that.

JOE: No, Mika, I can’t. Go with a fascist evil dictator who will shoot people at random just for entertainment. A guy who will rewrite the Constitution to keep himself in power for decades like Putin and Xi? Our country will end. Hillary Clinton said so, and I believe her.

MIKA: I get it, Joe. I’m just saying the pitch — “save democracy” — is too abstract to sell to the people because they’re the ones who supposedly have the power in a democracy, right? They decide. We don’t decide. The media doesn’t decide.

JOE: It’s our job to do everything we can to keep Trump off the ballot because THAT is democracy - keeping people from voting for the person they want to vote for.

MIKA:….

JOE: We did everything within legal means to remove Trump from power in 2020. It wasn’t “election rigging” so much as saving the country from a fascist evil dictator hellbent on raping the Constitution and keeping himself in power for the foreseeable future. Right, Bill Maher?

BILL MAHER: Yeah, I called it. I said Trump would never leave. And guess what? He didn’t. He sent an armed insurrectionist army to overthrow the United States government. I agree with Joe. If that’s who the people want, we have to do everything we can to prevent them from voting for the person they want.

MIKA: But isn’t that DEMOCRACY?

JOE: Hitler.

BILL: Hitler.

JOE: Zombie Hitler.

BILL: Hitler who never dies, not really.

MIKA: Yes, that’s right. It is Trump who is destroying America, who threatens everything America stands for and is worth throwing DEMOCRACY under the bus to prevent him from taking power again.

I mean, not this:

JOE: You just don’t get it, Mika, which makes me sad. I might have to withhold sex for the foreseeable future if this continues.

MIKA: Don’t threaten me with a good time, Joe.

JOE: Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. Now, let’s go out there and make America safe for Democracy again.

ACT III - The TRAP

GREEK CHORUS:

Joe Biden has failed. The polls are in freefall. He has no choice but to try to change the narrative.
Please, he begs. Tell the people it’s not my fault.
Inflation is not happening. If it is, pretend it isn’t.

DEMOCRACY might mean Biden falls.
If Biden falls, the whole thing collapses.
The Democratic Party, the media, Hollywood.
Again, they must sacrifice DEMOCRACY to save Democracy.

HILLARY CLINTON: Joe has got to step down. We can’t keep propping him up. The people are starting to notice.

HILLARY: We need to orchestrate a replacement, sooner rather than later. You know, to save the country and all that.

BARACK OBAMA: Michelle doesn’t want to do it. Besides, I don’t want to do it. It feels like I never left. I was Shadow POTUS through Trump’s term, and now, through Biden’s. Then, I’ll be in for four more years if it’s Michelle. Maybe we want to expand term limits so I could have just served four terms like FDR.

HILLARY: You wouldn’t have had to be POTUS if I had won. And maybe it’s time for me to run again. Maybe the people learned their lesson by now, with Israel and all that, maybe they want to do-over.

OBAMA: Give it up, Hillary. We can’t go through that again.

HILLARY: Go through what? The people decided they wanted me.

OBAMA: Not exactly. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter, Hills. We both know that Bernie Sanders or any other challenger to your candidacy would be crushed like a bug. It was your turn and that was that.

HILLARY: So why can’t I run again?

OBAMA: You can. Just don’t expect the full support of the machine. We’re going with Gavin.

HILLARY: Really? Not Kamala Harris? That’s a mistake.

OBAMA: It’s too risky of an election. Her approvals are way down. She can’t give a speech to save her life. She was a bad choice - Joe got bad advice. Should have gone with Mayor Pete as his Veep.

HILLARY: RFK. Jr. turned out to be less of a threat to us than to Trump. What are we going to do about Dean Phillips? The guy’s squeaky clean. My people couldn’t find even an unpaid parking ticket. Seems like the real deal.

OBAMA: We have to make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that DEMOCRACY is at stake, and they should not waste their vote on a guy who can’t win.

HILLARY: Because that’s worked so well in the past.

OBAMA: You know, Hillary, our real problem is that we no longer trust the process. We’re too scared of losing power. That’s how we got stuck with Joe, and now, and with you. We probably should have fought for expanded term limits to keep me in power for four terms. That’s clearly what the people want.

HILLARY: Right, Barack, sure thing. You can give great speeches, but governance has to be more than great speeches. You needed me just like I needed you.

OBAMA: We have to give Kamala an offer she can’t refuse.

HILLARY: Maybe she’ll step down willingly to save the country from Hitler.

OBAMA: She won’t. No one does. Once we figure that out, Joe will be happy to step down to save himself the embarrassment of a loss to Trump, and Gavin can step in.

HILLARY: But that will open up the Democratic Primary, and others will try for it.

OBAMA: By “others,” you mean you?

HILLARY: Why not? If we supposedly believe in DEMOCRACY, let the people decide.

OBAMA: Come on, Hillary. We can’t do it that way, and you know it. We all have to be on Team Gavin.

HILLARY: You’re probably right. Probably. But are we sure “DEMOCRACY” is the right call to save the country? Aren’t they going to notice we shut out Dean Phillips and RFK. Jr.?

OBAMA: They didn’t in 2016.

HILLARY: They did.

OBAMA: We have to change the meaning of the word.

HILLARY: There is only one meaning of the word.

OBAMA: Today, there is. But we can pivot with a simple phone call to the Times and CNN.

HILLARY: To what?

OBAMA: Maybe OBAMACRACY. Fight for that.

HILLARY: What about HILLARYOCRACY?

OBAMA: You know what? You’re right. Democracy it will have to be. Democrats-ocracy.

GREEK CHORUS:
Democracy will save us from the people’s vote!
Democracy will save us from dissent!
Democracy will save us from bad speech!
Democracy will save us from the wrong kind of protests.
Oh, Democracy! Whatever shall we do with you?

Lakewood, Ohio
8am