Musings and Mirth

About Me

I spend way too much thinking about me. This is the blank space where that paragraph should be.

Esquire’s 60 Things to Shorten Your Life

Here are the top ten:

1. Danger dogs.
The Tijuana delicacy — a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo — has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate. See also:

2. Jersey breakfast dogs.
An East Coast derivative with scrambled eggs and melted cheese.

3. Surfing Teahupoo, Tahiti.
Unbelievable swells that roll over a shallow coral reef. Catch a wave and you’re flying; bail and you’re bleeding.

4. Giving a buddy a kidney.
You only need one. Hopefully.

5. Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia Coffee & Tea.
A triple. Note the exceedingly heavy body, with chocolate, caramel, and dried-fruit notes. Also note that you’re vibrating. That means it’s working.

6. Lyle Sankey’s “Vision Quest” Bull Riding Adventure Experience, Branson, Missouri.
The Web site says it well: “We work hard to match the livestock with your abilities, but we can’t make you an athlete, change your mental or physical condition, or help you lose weight in a three or four day session. Come into this realizing that Rodeo is NOT tee ball.” Of course, if the bull really pisses you off, you can seek revenge on his kind at the…

7. Bullfighting school at the California Academy of Tauromaquia.
One of the only (legal) bullfighting schools in the country. Someone’s getting wounded in this battle. Hopefully, it’s the bull. (Visit their Website for more information.)

8. Butter.

9. Drugs.

10. Cream puffs.
The best are available at the Wisconsin State Fair for two weeks every August.

The rest.

Oh Anthony

Funny Bourdain – former exile from the Food Network seems to take particular glee in tearing them down, and we love reading it. He has been given a spot on and many of us foodies eagerly await his Food-TV teardown posts. His recent one on the Food Awards is a howler. Like this:

Do Emeril and Bobby–who, whatever you think of their shows–BUILT that fucking network, deserve to be pimped out with such casual disregard? Does anyone deserve to run the Gauntlet of Shame that was the “red carpet”, forced to waddle past the California Raisins and Tony the Tiger and a bunch of other corporate Big Heads? The overmuscled fuckwit from DINNER SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT delivered the best line: something like “This is the greatest night “ever!” If that was his greatest night ever, I suspect he would say the same thing while being publicly butt-slammed by the San Diego Chicken.


The rest

Art Exhibit Inspired by Jonestown

I’m going to try to get out to see this today. But it is beautification day at Emma’s school and we will cleaning and painting and all sorts of tiring stuff until the afternoon. Then it’s a choice of this or the Jonestown exhibit.

It’s called “As a Man Thinkest, So He Is.” Thanks to BoingBoing for the link. The BB poster writes, “I find Brandou’s juxtaposition of extreme cuteness and dark imagery to be deeply moving. Seen here, “Medication,” a depiction of People’s Temple members lining up for a cup of cyanide-laced Flavor Aid. “

I agree. If you go to the site look at the one with the lion over the two huddled animals. That may be my favorite, with the captain flying on a bird overhead a close second.


Brown Recluse Spider Bite Watch

Seriously, this guy was bitten by a Brown Recluse. I think they are worse than Black Widows but not entirely sure. What I do know is this. Nothing is more horrifying. Well, maybe Jim Jones.

By the way, today the spider bite finally burst. But I’m sparing you that image for the time being. Thanks to BoingBoing for the link.


Jim Jones on the American Experience

I couldn’t look away. I tried. I had to watch it all the way to the bitter end, when the crying of babies could be heard over Jim Jones‘ desperate droning, “come children, come children, sleep children, sleep.” How is it religion serves a good purpose again? Isn’t Jim Jones exactly what is wrong with our inclination to give over our own power to another? If anyone read this blog I know I would get ripped a new one for that comment, but since it just you and me and the quiet, no one will ever know.

Jim Jones: shorter, fatter than I’d thought. Jim Jones: a better version of him was played by Powers Booth. Jim Jones: just a desperate, power-hungry psychopath.

Nonetheless, the real story of Jonestown is only hard to deal with in those final moments, when he makes them all kill the babies and children first. He knows that no mother would let her baby die alone. Now, how’s that for cheery? Happy Easter and all that.

Mean Girl at Camp

So, my 8 year-old, who loves horses, got to spend Spring break at horse camp. She loves nothing more than this camp, which I consider to be a bit over-priced for what it is, but I can imagine what it’s like for her: all horses, all the time. Paddock boots, riding pants, crops, gloves, the whole nine yards. She is a driven little thing, managing to be alternatively sweet and demanding at the same time. But unfortunately, she got a hard lesson in mean girl bitchiness. What is it about us girls that makes us act like hideous bitches? The girl was the daughter of two semi-famous TV stars and it was clear that this poor girl was the product of having been raised by nannies and assistants. Otherwise, why bother being so mean? Emma said, “everybody liked her – that’s what made it all worse.”

Myself, I had to practice deep breathing not to walk up to that pint sized creep and give her a piece of my mind. I told Emma she is on my list.