A few mornings ago I found myself fumbling in the kitchen at around 5 am trying to make a (I’ll wait until I tell you the story to figure out what to call it) work. I tend to be one of those people who would rather do things myself at either a much lower cost or simply because I want to try it out. I did once install a toilet, carried the sucker in and slammed it down. I am still very proud of this. I have snaked a drain too. But let’s face it, these days with my bad eyes and my old age I am less inclined to succeed and more inclined to just toss it all out in frustration. What I needed to do: print out the yearbook I was working on for Emma’s class. What I couldn’t do: print it out because the toner on the mother fucking printer kept running out of ink. I have no common sense or I would have figured it out long before this disasterous morning but nonetheless, there I was up really early and trying to do the impossible.

What I did: try to make one of those ink refiller things work. Have you ever seen them? You would only know what they were if you were tired of spending more money on ink toner than you’d spent on your printer. No kidding and swear to god, you buy these little bottles of ink with syringes and teeny tiny screwdrivers, like the kind mice would use, and then there’s this messy ink that you’re supposed to fill into these little dots outside the cartridge. Theoretically this is a good thing: no disposable cartridges, refillable, recylced, etc. But in reality? An inky improbable mess. I had to drive out to the Long’s Drugs to just buy a plain old cartridge anyway.

I’m glad it’s over. I delivered the thing to FedEx and now I can breathe again. In case you’re curious, it’s something along these lines. I do NOT recommend it. I also don’t recommend those “rub off the hair” shaving things. They don’t work; complete waste of money.