My mother decided she wanted to take a vacation to Mexico with her three daughters and their three daughters. The objective: use up air miles (plane tickets were free) and relax in the heat and humidity, not to mention tequila and occasional ceviche. The plane right out was hard core. A connecting flight in Dallas, with a four hour layover, and then a fairly calm flight out to Cancun. After that, things got a little more hairy.

Here’s the thing about Mexico. We Americans — scratch that — we gringos can sometimes seem like the ugly American when we travel to Mexico. I always feel weird and guilty being here because it is such a poor country economically — yet rich in so many other ways — and everyone wants you, the mark, to help them make ends meet. That means, you are what you buy here. That is always a little unnerving, especially at the all-inclusive resorts (we will be heading to one mid-week).

Most of the time you get people who put on a happy face for the American tourists who always expect customer service that is above and beyond. Every once in a while you get a more honest reaction, someone who is horrified by indulgent, wasteful, wealthy (we are not) Americans. Scratch that, gringos.

We are gringos and that plain fact is sometimes embarrassing to me. I don’t speak Spanish, though I really wish I did.

Playa Del Carmen is across the sea from Cozumel. It’s a big city actually, full of these bizarre, Vegas-like resorts lining the gorgeous Mexican Riviera. They looked kind of strange from the narrow highway that runs along the coast and takes you from Cancun to Playa Del Carmen. It is about a 45 minute drive. We were trying to follow directions but in my family that means fighting, trying not to fight, fighting some more. It almost got ugly but we tried really hard to tolerate each other.

We eventually found our way to our hotel – a lovely and peaceful oasis called Hotel Kinbe. Free wi-fi, air conditioning (we are American; we demand it) and an artsy quality to the decor. It is above and beyond what we were expecting and what you’d pay for a hotel of this calibre in, say, Ojai California.

We spent our first night at the restaurant right next door, which was when I began to notice how empty it really was. We were the only customers in the joint. There were no other prospects. The food was the best Mexican I’ve ever had – and I’m from Los Angeles.

It was awkward when the check arrived: too much money it was. They got us with the drinks and the guac. Great guac, though, but still. We were hoping for something a tad cheaper.

Rain poured down all night. Now I’m sitting by the pool and waiting. We’re going to la playa. White sand beaches here in Playa Del Carmen that will make soul sing.

Any opportunity to make fun is okay by me.

Ten years ago I taught myself to read and write html. All of these years later I’m fumbling my way through CSS, PHP and MYSQL. I’m learning as if I were plunked into a foreign country and made to learn their language by simply jumping in and struggling through misinterpretations and frustration.

I am not someone who thinks in any logical way about anything. I am completely lacking in common sense, and all of my educational background — to the tune of a student loan that is upwards of $100 grand — is in the arts. Therefore it seems kind of contradictory that I would love code.

But I do. Somehow.

It is the same impulse that had me taking apart an iPod once and putting in my own toilet. It is my favorite refrain from the forgotten David Mamet/Alec Baldwin/Tony Hopkins movie The Edge, “what one man can do another can do.”

Strength is one thing. If I CAN’T do it, I mostly won’t attempt it. But if it’s possible? If it’s just a matter of figuring it out? I feel that I am up to the challenge most of the time. Even if it means delivering a finished product that is half-assed.

WordPress and php are entirely fascinating. All code is fascinating to me but PHP is my new favorite thing. One thing I love about it is the magic you can create with it. It is remarkable that one little comma or semi-colon can throw the whole thing off, but if you get the code just right? And stuff actually works? Amazing.

WordPress has a wealth of resources for those of us who want to dive right in and get our hands dirty with code. The thing is, it is totally logical and follows a set of rules. It won’t confuse you once you understand the basics.
The Codex at WordPress will give you almost every little piece of info you need to hack your current WordPress theme. And if it isn’t easy to understand in Codex — because sometimes it isn’t; sometimes they leave off the simple stuff you need to know, like how to wrap a php command. They just give you the command and you have to figure out how to wrap it and where to put it. Nonetheless, it is fabulous.

If the Codex doesn’t have it, chances are another blogger does have it. So do a google search and then poke at it. Just make sure you always have the old code to return to once you fuck up the new one you’re playing around with.

There is nothing more satisfying, I’ll have you know, than figuring something out and having it work. I am still confused by CSS. CSS freaks me out on any number of levels, but it is one of my last challenges. I prefer the code that makes things work.

So, if you find yourself completely confused by how WordPress works, do yourself a favor and start diving in, hacking your theme, and figuring out how it all fits together. It will be a grand learning experience.

Posted on a great site called Gourmet Worrier – crepe making in Barcelona:

Every mother of a 12 year old girl should sit down and watch Mean Girls.  It is the fictional representation of the great book, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence by way of Tina Fey, who morphed it into a really funny, penetrating movie.

Mean Girls doesn’t preach hatin’. In fact, it does anything but – it even sympathizes with the mean girls rather than indulge some of our need to take down the pretty and popular girls. All the same, there are mean girls in high school. It is just the way things are. Boys are silly and immature and girls tend to get mean. This meanness isn’t something they understand. But it is there. It is partly the power that comes along with being really beautiful. In the teenage world, being pretty elevates you to the top of the tribe. Having eyes on you, girls copying you, boys drooling over you – you have to hold back or else everyone would want everything you have.

Nonetheless, there really is no excuse most of the time for how mean girls can be. Mean Girls takes this on by having its heroine, Katy (Lindsay Lohan), go from being an innocent homeschool kid morphed into a “plastic,” one of the “popular” girls. She discovers how easy it is to become one of them.

By the end of the film, though, there is much understanding. The bad girls take responsibility for how mean they’ve been, and Katy realizes that being herself is the better road.

All in all, a great way to send my daughter into 7th grade.

The acting is perfect across the board. It’s interesting to see how Rachel McAdams and Amanda Seyfried launched soaring careers after this film. Lindsay Lohan had it all. But she steered that car right into a tree. And poor Gretchen Weiners. Things didn’t take off for her.

I have lived in California all of my life and I’ve only seen a rattler a few times. And thank god, have never been bitten by one. When I was a kid, I lived in Topanga Canyon and we would spend much of our days riding our ponies through the firebreaks in the dusty hills around our beautiful home – if only my mom had realized the value of that place and bought it for a mere $90,000. Alas, it is now worth over $1 mil. Anyway, we spent a lot of time outdoors. My daughter spends most of her time indoors. She does not know anything about the natural world as I did. We literally played in the dirt and we walked, rode or biked everywhere. It was a different time.

Never did we get bitten by rattlesnakes. But I am always terrified of them. Always. Anyway, I learned something new about rattlesnakes. Once bitten, it is possible you will not have the full dose of venom. Only a small percentage of rattlers actually inject their venom. Sometimes it’s just a defensive bite. But look out if you do get the full dose. It can kill you. And even if you do survive, it will be a very traumatic event on your body.

You aren’t supposed to tie anything too tightly to cut off circulation. You aren’t supposed to cut up your arm or your leg to try to get the venom out. And apparently, people can die of things like panic (running off a cliff), or dehydration.

You have to remain calm. You have to keep the bite lower than your heart. And you have to be rescued. Terrifying, yeah? Yeah. Kind of. Just a little.

Here is more info.

“I hate snakes, Jaques. I hate ‘em.”

Photocredit

I was watching my traffic because it seemed to be spiking a bit.  When it does that it’s almost always an accident.  They found the site because they were actually looking for posts about the Bachelorette or Lindsay Lohan or Heidi Montag.  I have written a few of those.  But lately, one post of mine, an old post about yoga, kept getting hits.  At first I thought it was because there was a link to “nude yoga.”  I kept thinking about it and wondering why there were so many people hitting that one page.  So I did a search first for the actual link.  Nothing.  Then I did a search for my name, Sasha Stone.  There are now quite a few Sasha Stones.  I didn’t know many growing up. I am Facebook friends with a really sweet young girl in England. I feel protective of her.  And there is a painter from the 1930s.  There are others.

So then I see there is a Sasha Stone who teaches yoga here in Los Angeles. And viola.  Some poor souls were searching for Sasha Stone and yoga and got this post. And it was just too bizarre to pass up.

Full disclosure admission: I have been listening to Dr. Laura off and on for many years.  Many many years.  Even though I am one of the “bad people,” according to her code of ethics: single parent, not married, had baby out of wedlock.  I did stay home to raise my kid so in that way she would approve of my lifestyle.  I’m a bleeding heart liberal but I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t get much from Dr. Laura’s show over the years.  I just tuned out the political stuff or anything I disagreed with.  I found much of what she said valuable.  And beyond that, it was occasionally entertaining not just to listen to her berate callers (why did they call her if they knew she would tell them what they didn’t want to hear?) but to hear people who were far worse off than I have been.

But I think her decision to leave radio now is a good one.  She didn’t so much cross a line by saying the ‘n’ word.  She crossed the line when she said that there had never been so much racist talk until Obama (a black President) landed in the White (WHITE) House. That was both unpatriotic of her, a faithful patriot, and it was so far off the loony tunes charts that I myself had decided I couldn’t listen to her anymore.    Of course, where Dr. Laura is concerned I can have my convictions, “how could she have said that!” and then find myself tuning in one day when I feel like I need to hear some talking therapy.   Or a good laugh, or some voyeuristic thrill.

The thing is, I know Dr. Laura isn’t a racist.  Nor did she mean to use the word in an insulting manner.  She is someone who says whatever she thinks and she’s been making a lot of money off it for years.  The problem is that things are heated now and people are taking sides.  We all seem to be gearing up for an epic, and yes, maybe violent battle.  It was one thing electing a black president.  But it wasn’t all that long ago that whites didn’t even allow blacks to drink out of the same drinking fountain nor attend the same college.  Things are wiggy everywhere because of it.  Anyone who pretends they aren’t is simply living with their head in the sand.

Thus, you can’t really start fanning those flames right now.  There is still a lot of anger from the black community about the way they have been treated since, oh, forever here in America.  We whites still have a lot to answer for.  I don’t know much about anyfing, but I do know that Dr. Laura was saying stuff she shouldn’t have said and that quitting radio IS the right thing for her to do anyway.  The time has come.

So goodbye, Dr. Laura and goodbye Oprah.  In the same year!

But I want to leave you with this piece written by Lincoln Mitchell for the HuffPo, which I think puts it all quite well.  Yeah, what HE said.

Radio personality Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s recent racially tinged comments are in some respects, just another offensive reactionary rant at a time when radio talk shows seem more filled with hate and vitriol than ever before. However, these remarks, which were in response to an African American caller who was upset about racist remarks made by her white husband and his family, also offer some insight into how race and racism is understood today when for the first time in history the president is African American.

While Dr. Laura’s comments are initially most shocking because of the frequency with which she used the N-Word as well as apparent pleasure she seemed to be experiencing by saying it, some of her comments were more disturbing. Moreover, these comments should not be dismissed too quickly as the rantings of just one radio host because they reflect a great deal about contemporary understandings of race.

Before Dr. Laura ever pronounced the N-Word on her show she asked the caller to “give an example of a racist comment”. She asked for this not to understand the story better or to empathize with the caller but because, according to Dr. Laura “some people are hypersensitive”. This is important because it reflects an approach to racism that burdens the victim even more. Dr. Laura’s approach, which unfortunately is not hers alone, suggests that if an African American person is experiencing racism, the appropriate response is not concern, but suspicion.

A few seconds later Schlessinger made a comment that is both baffling and disturbing, as well as something of a non-sequiter: “Without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply because he was half black…It was a black thing.” This was Dr. Laura’s response to the caller being upset that white guests in her home seem obsessed with talking about what African Americans do and like. Leaving aside Schlessinger’s use of the phrase “half black”, a strange phrase to use in a country where apartheid was always enforced based on the one drop rule, the comment bears closer scrutiny.

Many casual listeners would agree with the good doctor’s assertions as Obama did very well with African American voters who, according to a racist way of thinking, couldn’t possibly have voted for Obama based on his positions on the issues. The data, however, suggests that Obama’s African American support was based on more than racial affinity. African American voters cast 95% of their votes for Obama, but this was consistent with the support African Americans generally give to Democratic candidates, regardless of race. It was only a slight uptick from the 88% they cast for John Kerry in 2004 or the 90% they cast for Al Gore in 2000. The reason why African American support for Obama is relevant to a question about enduring racism in your own home is not clear, but the association between the two in the mind of Dr. Laura suggests her resentment runs pretty deep.

After these comments, Schlessinger noted that African Americans use the N-Word but that it is not all right for white people to use that same word. This may seem, in Schlessinger’s words “very confusing”, but to genuinely be confused by this one would have to have absolutely no understanding of context, intent, narrative or any of the other concepts that undergird human communication. Even without an understanding of any of that, a simpler notion that you shouldn’t call people names they have made clear they don’t like seemed to elude Schlessinger as well.

For many people, noting that the election of Barack Obama does not mean that racism is a thing of the past is so obvious that it borders on being pedantic. Dr. Laura’s comment after her burst of using the N-Word, “we’ve got a black man as president and we’ve got more complaining about racism than ever. I think that’s hilarious”, indicates that this may not be so obvious for everybody. It cannot escape notice that the caller, seeking help for a difficult personal situation focused on specific incidents that have occurred in her home and the homes of her friends and family. The caller is obviously not the first person to have encountered racism of this kind. Dr. Laura, however, on two separate occasions in a brief conversation brings the discussion back to our African American president. The question the caller raised was personal, not political, but Schlessinger seemed to have a hard time keeping her distaste and resentment for the president under wraps. Given that her comments about President Obama are bracketed by liberal use of the N-Word, it is difficult to conclude that there is not a racial component to this.

Dr. Laura’s later half apologized for her use of the N-Word, expressing regret for “losing the point I was trying to make.” However, Schlessinger made her point all too clearly, touching on all the major talking points of the new racism: the real problem is that African Americans are over-sensitive; knowing whether or not it is okay to use the N-Word is “very confusing”; and African Americans should stop complaining because the President, for whom they mindlessly voted is African American.

I’m not here to preach to people about breastfeeding.  Nothing is more irritating than nazi-mommies forcing people to breastfeed.  Yes, everyone knows it is best.  But sometimes it just doesn’t work.  Period.  You can this or that but the truth is that sometimes a woman can’t, a baby won’t, or the milk just never done come.

We moms pretty much accept this as one of the many things women like to degrade or impress each other with.  Whose a better mommy, you or me?  Oh, did you give birth naturally?  I did!  And it didn’t hurt.  It was spiritual!  How about you?  Oh, really? Oh, that’s too bad.  Yeah, bite me.  If there is one thing one learns after the trials and tribulations of motherhood, it’s that these little power trips we play to one another mean absolutely nothing in the long run.

It’s hard to get this message across to pregnant, first-time moms.  They all feel “the pressure” of having to give birth naturally or breastfeed for two years.  Or organic baby food or Einstein baby or preschool or … it makes your head spin.  Healthy mom, healthy baby.  That is all that matters in the end.

But here’s the thing, these bozos like Kim Kardashian keep coming forward with their stoopid declarations of misinformation, spreading them to their legions of brainless followers and no one plans to set the record straight, I feel sure, because no one is much interested in WHAT Kim Kardashian has to say.  Needless to say, here comes the doozy:

Though she’s not ready to settle down just yet, reality star Kim Kardashian says she looks forward to one day being a mom like her big sister Kourtney.

“In five years I would hope to be settled down, have a baby or two,” the 29-year-old Allure cover girl reveals. “I always thought, ‘For sure, when I’m 30, I’ll have four kids, like my mom.”

Though she doesn’t have a baby just yet, Kim already has a plan for breastfeeding firmly in place.

“They say that after a year, there’s no nutrients,” she says.

Anyone who breasfteeds after a year knows that the kid isn’t doing it for the nutrients particularly.  But they need the comfort.  If your baby doesn’t have a bottle or a thumb, chances are he or she is going to need your breast.  So be ready to commit.  Comfort, though, is probably AS IMPORTANT as nutrients.  So, Kim, give up after a year and no one is going to judge you.  I promise.  Look at Jennifer Lopez.  She decided not to even try to breastfeed — is anyone surprised?  She couldn’t be bothered to them tugged at and chewed on and left deflated and forgotten.  So Kim, if you even make it a year everyone will applaud you.  There is no need to go beyond a year.  Just don’t make up some dumb reason why you’re quitting.

I did breastfeed my daughter for two and a half years and I did ween her.  I don’t know how long she would have breastfed if I hadn’t weened her.    I weened her because I could not take it anymore. And I knew that if I couldn’t take it anymore, that wasn’t going to be good for the baby.  If I had been unable to take it prior to that, I would have weened her.  And she would have been fine.

We women need to stop judging and acting as though good mothering is suffering through natural childbirth of breastfeeding for five years.  Seriously.  When I went in for labor I really did have every intention of doing the natural thing because I actually wanted to see what women have had to endure for six million years.  I would have tried but my doctor wanted to “speed things along” and so he ruptured my membranes.

He ruptured my membranes.

That is something you never want a doctor to do.  Trust me.  Unless your life is at risk.  It will remind you of “all those tedious sticky fumblings in the backseats of cars,” as Hannibal would say.

Shortly thereafter, because my poor body thought the baby was in danger, contractions started immediately.  But they weren’t coming fast enough, so next thing you know they have me on a Pitocen drip.  And that brought on contractions so hard and fast, no human being, not even all of the moms I’ve had to listen to brag about the natural childbirth.  So of course, the epidural came next.  And once I was strapped in, needled up and basically paralyzed, the doctors had me exactly where they wanted me, which was: in their complete control.

I was depressed.  I was disappointed in myself.  I wanted to say that I did it naturally.  I wanted to see what it felt like, for chrissakes.

After the end of it, I was complaining to the nurse while holding my perfect, perfect little girl in my arms and she said flatly and painly, “healthy mom, healthy baby.  That’s all that matters.”

And she was right.  Righter than even SHE knew.  As I have raised my daughter these twelve years I always remember her words because natural childbirth is one thing.  Breastfeeding is one thing.  Raising a great, compassionate, responsible, smart human being is entirely another.  The kid thing?  It’s not about us.  It’s about THEM.

Jeff Cox at Organictobe.org just listed a dreamy selection of summer tapas treats that I really must share.  I’ve had the stomach flu, or a bug, or food poisoning for the past two days but am feeling much better.

· A small plate of apple slices, bites of cheese, and walnuts.

· A dish of sliced apricots sprinkled with lemon zest.

· Slices of avocado and grapefruit segments, sprinkled with lime juice. Or, avocado slices topped with chopped red onion and a splash of lemon juice.

· Fresh-picked green bean pieces lightly sautéed in butter, skewered on a toothpick with small pieces of bacon.

· Diced roasted beets lightly dusted with nutmeg.

· Custard-berry cubes: Place blackberries in the compartments of an ice cube tray, then fill with vanilla custard and refrigerate until set. The custard-berry cubes are gently pried out of the compartments with a butter knife and served with red raspberries.

· Peach-blueberry bites: Peel fresh peaches and slice them, then cut the slices into small squares. Add the peach bite and a fresh blueberry to a toothpick and splash the skewer with a mixture of freshly squeezed lemon and lime juices.

· Celery stalks cut into 1-inch pieces and the hollows filled with a pungent blue cheese.

· Cherry halves placed in shot glasses with brandy, then chilled before serving.

· Mini omelets: Place a gently beaten egg in a hot skillet, one tablespoon at a time. Add half teaspoonfuls of the following mixture: cooked chopped corn kernels, minced onion, and bits of bacon.

· Peeled cucumber rounds topped with dabs of crème fraiche and sprinkled with torn-up mint leaves.

· Eggplant coins: Long, slender eggplant cut into round slices, then sautéed in olive oil until soft. Add a spoonful of mashed garlic and a small piece of anchovy fillet to each round.

· Fresh figs quartered and marinated in Cointreau, then dusted with the merest pinch of cinnamon before serving.

· A true classic: Fresh fig quartered, then wrapped in prosciutto.

· Mini fruit kabobs made of alternating grapes, diced melon, and strawberries skewered on toothpicks.

· Fine-fleshed white fish cut into ½-inch cubes and soaked in lime juice overnight. The following day, alternate equal-sized cubes of fish and mango on toothpick skewers.

· Melon balls wrapped in prosciutto, held together with a toothpick, then topped with a slice of fresh strawberry.

· Peaches and crushed almonds served in small bowls then drizzled with a splash of Grand Marnier.

· Mini brochettes of plum, apricot, and peach dice skewered on toothpicks and sprinkled with lemon zest.

· Slices of grilled pork tenderloin served atop slices of ripe apples.

· Melted chocolate drizzled over ripe red raspberries, then refrigerated so the chocolate hardens.

· Bits of grilled salmon topped with basil and bacon, served on thin-sliced bread.

· Baby summer squash halved, brushed with olive oil, and grilled. Cut the squash into 1-inch dice and sprinkle with grated Parmesan cheese.

· Hot chiles, salt, and tomato slices wrapped in pieces of red Swiss chard leaves, held together with toothpicks.