Category Archives: TO WRITE

In Praise of Jonathan Franzen

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There are very few books I’ve picked up in my life and been unable to put them down. Part of this is that, despite my own illusions to the contrary and desire to not be the person that I, in fact, am, I am not the world’s best reader. I tend to have great intentions – order them up off of Amazon, pile them up in bookcases and my nightstand, read maybe a chapter or two in and then the distractions set in. The internet. God knows what all. But Franzen’s books, The Corrections and now, Freedom are so goddamned good, so packed full of great sentences, glaringly truthful, humiliating, beautiful moments that I find I am pulled back to his world with both of these novels. I am hereby committed to reading everything else he’s written, but for now, I am about three fourths of the way through Freedom and let me tell you – page after page of the best writing I’ve ever read in the modern era. I’ll save some space for Don Delillo and Carolyn See. But for the people my age-ish? Franzen is the best. Not that I’ve read everybody. Not even close. So maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

I found this on Wikipedia — Franzen’s rules for writing:

  1. The reader is a friend, not an adversary, not a spectator.
  2. Fiction that isn’t an author’s personal adventure into the frightening or the unknown isn’t worth writing for anything but money.
  3. Never use the word “then” as a ­conjunction – we have “and” for this purpose. Substituting “then” is the lazy or tone-deaf writer’s non-solution to the problem of too many “ands” on the page.
  4. Write in the third person unless a ­really distinctive first-person voice ­offers itself irresistibly.
  5. When information becomes free and universally accessible, voluminous research for a novel is devalued along with it.
  6. The most purely autobiographical ­fiction requires pure invention. Nobody ever wrote a more auto­biographical story than “The Metamorphosis”.
  7. You see more sitting still than chasing after.
  8. It’s doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction (the TIME magazine cover story detailed how Franzen physically disables the Net portal on his writing laptop).
  9. Interesting verbs are seldom very interesting.
  10. You have to love before you can be relentless.

He is not an internet person. I grock that. Countless hours are wasted online, aren’t they? Where do they go? It simply entertains our giant, swollen brains — so many interesting things to read, find out, look at, listen to…He’s probably right, though. I can’t even go a day without plugging in. I’m not really proud of this.

Strangely, A Lot in Common with Emily Dickinson

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From Wikipedia:

Thought of as an eccentric by the locals, she became known for her penchant for white clothing and her reluctance to greet guests or, later in life, even leave her room. Most of her friendships were therefore carried out by correspondence.

That’s TOTALLY ME! Except the brilliant poet for all time part. But seriously, she is one I look to in moments of despair about my life. And though only wore white in high school, I have a “thing” for white t-shirts. Surely that counts.

It hit me today that being an unmarried woman of 46 years old was somehow a very bad thing. Most of the women I know who are my age were married at least once in their life. Not being married makes me feel, all of a sudden, like a societal misfit, a freak. Oh god.

Does marriage make you happier, as studies suggest? Does it trap you in a lifetime’s worth of misery? Is it the best thing ever, especially as you near the end? Or is it a little bit of all of that? And what is wrong with me that I never did it? It was partly that when I came of age women in my social circles weren’t really the marrying kind. We were just coming out of the 1970s and women empowerment and all of that.

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Henry Rollins and David Mamet

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There are people out there who lend their voices to our collective. They are truth seekers and independent thinkers. They do not reside inside any box. Henry Rollins one of those: a punk rocker with Black Flag turned spoken word genius turned DJ turned philosopher. And playwright/newly minted conservative David Mamet is another.

This is the reason I love Henry Rollins. He wrote this song – which helped me through a terrible phase in my life:

And David Mamet, writer of Glengarry Glen Ross, has decided to “come out” as a conservative. While I think this shows less intelligence on his part, and perhaps a late-age fear of losing all of his money to taxes, you have to admire someone who is risking so much by speaking his mind.

Free thinking. Why not.

“The Muse Kicking in Her Stall” – Happy 70th Birthday Bob Dylan

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I made the above video so that I could put this song of his on YouTube. But I suspect it might get yanked fairly soon.

I first met Bob Dylan when I was in high school. 18 year old, or thereabouts. Pretty close to losing my virginity, if it hadn’t been lost already. What I knew about music was all wrapped up in the minds of my best friend and her brother. Mostly, I didn’t know much. I had listened passionately to Shaun Cassidy. I liked Billy Joel. Fleetwood Mac, sure, why not. I was introduced to Bruce Springsteen by my friend and it was love at first site. But my friend’s brother was a Dylan fan. I heard a song called Don’t Fall Apart on Me Tonight. The lyrics caught my attention immediately. They didn’t just catch my attention. They strolled up to me and took me, hook line and sinker. It was more than love. It was probably whatever I should have been focusing on religion. This was god to me. Who was this person? Who wrote this song?

The funny thing is, after thirty years of loving Bob Dylan it wasn’t even his most lauded work that drew me in – but a throwaway love song, a lesser work, probably one most people have never even heard of. But that was it. From then on, it was All Dylan All the Time. It has been a reliable, faithful relationship. I’ve had minor affairs with Van Morrison, Springsteen and Leonard Cohen. But my true devotion has always been to Mr. Dylan and always will be.

What do I love about Dylan? His nimble mind. His obtuse personality. His arrogance. His voice. His autistic’s ability to draw upon the language.

He’s been with me through most of my silly adventures in life. He’s been with me through college, all of them. Through men, all of them. Through jobs, apartments, cities, hair colors. My favorite thing that I own is a picture of Dylan that my best friend Clara gave me – a poster for a concert in Paris with Dylan “avec Van Morrison.”

For me, there is no preferred Dylan stage. I love him from the beginning of his career all the way up to now. He is still making great music, still contributing to society in a meaningful way. He has never stopped. Does it mean he’s been happy? Hard to say. He’s happy in so much as his work seems to make him happy. Am I happy? I don’t know.

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An Evening with Steve Martin and Tina Fey

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In appreciation of Tina Fey:

She is the smartest woman working and driving comedy. But more than that, more than being a role model to women and girls, she disarms you with unexpected observations that have come out of a lifetime of maybe feeling a little bit different – never someone who could just get by on looks (although she’s a looker) – always someone ready to look at things as they are. What I really like about her, and why it’s not surprising she went from regular writer to head writer a Saturday Night Live in a couple of years, is that she is decisive. Or seems to be. I haven’t read her book Ms. Bossy Pants all the way through yet. I know there is a part where she debates whether or not to have a second child. But she seems to me someone who makes a decision about something and sticks with it. This is why she is great at improv. In improv you have to always provide a “yes,” as she described in an interview with Steve Martin at the Nokia theater on April 19. If you say “I have a gun and this is a gun,” as she gestured with her finger. And if the other person says “no, that’s not a gun, that’s a pickle” or whatever that is referred to as a “no.” Steve Martin has some fun with this idea in this clip.

One of the best anecdotes of the night, though, was when Steve Martin recounted exchanging emails with Tina Fey about their presenting an award at the Oscars. He says they went back and forth a few times, and a half hour later, she sends him a little script and says “how about this?” He said he loved it and that’s what they did. Here it is (but be warned – there is laughter and chatter in the background):

In this clip, Steve Martin is answering a question from the audience after someone asked Tina Fey where she got her shoes. Martin, seeing it as a ridiculous question, decided to answer himself. “You’ll want to settle in, this is going to be a long story,” he said. Laughter ensued.